Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
