sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
NoShamevember. You game?
I'm getting married
To pizza
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
