If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
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