so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
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