Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
