Will you blow on my dice?
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
