Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
