on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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