I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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