Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
