things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
