I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize