I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
