i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize
