Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
