I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Randomize
