doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
