I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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