Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
