Tell her she can't have a vagina
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
