***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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