i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
