Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
