Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
