I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
