he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
