Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
