isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
