And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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