Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
The power of my boobs compel you
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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