got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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