I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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