I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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