Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
You took a bar mat shot.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Randomize
