Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
