How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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