so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
