well I can't set my house on fire every night
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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