I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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