trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
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