I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
