is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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