you thought your balls were fighting each other...
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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