apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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