oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize