I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
