my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
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