just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
My vagina is officially offended.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
