There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
