I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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