the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
The beer is more important than you right now.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
