I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I'm too high and old for this...
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
