just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
