rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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