I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
