i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
