people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
