alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
