He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize