Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Randomize
