dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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