Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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