i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
