I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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